sabotage / self sabotage

fear of completion;
not allowing yourself completion, fulfillment, success.

< DivineHuman 7QA > There is a fear… there is a fear of being powerful. There is also a fear of not having power. This is a conflict that is taking place within you. And you are not alone. There are so many who are experiencing this also. You feel that if you open up, perhaps the dragon within you will come out, the dragon that in the past has destroyed universes, destroyed other humans, destroyed yourself. So, there is this conflict. There is this self-sabotage.

Shaumbra, you know the doors must come open. You know you must tear down the walls. But you only open the door a bit. And, then when you feel something, when you feel a bit uneasy, when you feel old things from the past, you shut the door right away. So, there's been a lot of opening and door shutting, a lot of tired hinges lately! (audience laughter)

It is appropriate that you would ask the question on this day about self-sabotage, because, dear Shaumbra, you have now come to the understand that power is an illusion. Release the concept of power. There is no need to sabotage self anymore.

Allow yourself to express in your fullest, grandest way in the moment that you are in. Allow yourself to feel a bit uncomfortable at first with this. Allow those old feelings from the past to come back to visit (to be addressed and healed). You know the reason why old feelings, people or experiences from the past are coming to visit you now also? It is that they want to see what you have. They want to feel your enlightenment. They want to feel your divinity. So, we say to you, release all of this. Understand that the power was an illusion, that you simply are. The sabotaging and self-sabotaging will disappear.

< Returning 11 > Why is it that you've come so close to true love, to true abundance, to health, to all of the things that your heart wants to create, but it doesn't happen? Why is it that humans sabotage themselves? This in itself is a book. There is no single answer, but I'll offer a few of my perspective to you today in this commencement address that I'm giving. I think one of the things that humans and angels alike fear is completion. Completion.

< Returning 11 > The reason why they fear it, because once you've completed something, especially if it's all of your lifetimes that you're ever going to have, what's left? Once you've completed it, there's no passion. There's no what you would call drama. There's no carrot in front of you. So you know what happens so often? If life is like a big circle, right when you're coming to the point of completion, you break down the circle. You break down what you've actually created so that you don't have to complete the circle.

< Returning 11 > Completion means you never have to have another goal, you never have to do anything again, you never have to fix anyone, you never have to fix yourself. Completion means you can transcend the human body, you can transcend the human mind. Completion means you don't have any need, desire or want for material goods, but you have everything you want. Completion means absolutely being in love with yourself and not having to read any more books or tell yourself these little cute phrases that you say while looking in the mirror, but actually loathing yourself the whole time you're doing this. (some laughter) Completion, dear ones, means being real and true to yourself, and possibly going out of existence in the way that you've known till now.

< Returning 11 > I'm going to speak somewhat metaphorically here, but actually there's a lot of reality to it. We've talked before about how you have a variety of different energies in you - the light, the dark; the yin, the yang; the masculine, the feminine. We're going to go back in this case to the story of Isis and Adam, which is basically the masculine and feminine within you. But I also want to use it to express another duality concept, and that was the inward and the outward expressions of your soul.

A long time ago when you left All That Was, when you went through the Wall of Fire on your journey that would bring you to Earth, you created your original separation and that created the inner looking spirit, what you now call your soul, your divine; and your outer expression, the part of you that would journey out into the void and create reality. The outer expression that would eventually come by way through the Order of the Arc to this planet Earth for a completion and fulfillment.

Using the concepts of duality, the metaphor, we'll talk about Isis and Adam, but understand it relates to the inner and the outer parts of self - the light and the dark, every opposing duality.

When the energy of Adam left Isis it created tremendous pain, for the two energies are essentially the same. They were always meant to be together. They were always in love. So when the separation occurred between Isis and Adam, you can imagine the pain that it caused. You can also imagine an anger that was caused as part of you left on a journey and left another part within itself. This caused the pain of love and separation, but also you could say a type of anger - "Why are you leaving? Why are you allowing the separation?"

So the energy of the masculine, of Adam, or the energy of the outer expression of self, went off, knowing - both parts of you knowing - that you would return together at the right time and the right place. This part of you - let's call it the Adam energy - Adam went off searching. Adam went off looking for new solutions, oh, out of absolute love to Isis. He wanted to create a place that was so perfect that Isis would want to return.

So Adam started, what you could say, building or constructing the perfect castle, the perfect home, the perfect space. And as he was building it through his imagination and his creative expression, he kept on wondering if Isis would really like it - would she like the colors? Would she like the style? - and he began to doubt himself tremendously. He wondered if Isis would be comfortable here. He wondered if he was just doing this for himself or if it would really be appropriate for Isis.

He kept on wondering if Isis really missed him and really loved him. He kept on wondering if maybe this was a plot from Isis to get rid of him. He wondered at times if Isis was deliberately doing this to him to totally annihilate him, to enslave him, to make him insignificant. And you see this myriad of opposing energies was flowing through Adam all the time while he was working on building this perfect dream castle for Isis.

Of course, the castle has never been good enough. Oh, it is spectacular in my opinion, but Adam is still working on it. It's the castle that can never be completed because, dear Shaumbra, in the somewhat imbalanced heart of Adam he fears most of inviting Isis in and her not accepting it.

That means her not accepting him. That means no reunion. That means no going forward. So if he keeps building his castle and he keeps modifying it and he keeps doubting himself, he keeps playing the game, he never has to face the question: is he worthy of Isis's return. Is he worthy?

And Isis, all this time, is wondering, "What happened to Adam? Why hasn't he called? Maybe he doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he's found another. Maybe he's betrayed me. Maybe he's trying to assume and collect power. Maybe he's trying to totally annihilate me. Maybe I'm not beautiful enough for him. Maybe he has discovered something within himself that has higher qualities than I. Maybe I'm not worthy of ever receiving the love of Adam. Maybe I'll turn my back. I'll hide my tears so I never have to face the issue, is Adam calling out for me. Is he welcoming me back to him? So I'll keep myself distracted. I'll do everything but look."

Dear Shaumbra, that's the story of Isis and Adam. It's also your story. It's a story of your inward and outer expression. It's a story of the human self and the divine. Maybe you don't think you're worthy, that you've built a good enough house for your divine to join you here, so you keep trying to build the house. And maybe your divine, right now at this moment, is wondering, "How come I haven't received the call? How come I'm not being invited into this holy sacred place called the human existence?" Maybe the divine is thinking that you betrayed it.

So this game continues. The deception continues and the separation continues, because what if, just what if the human didn't like the divine? What if it was disappointed with the most intimate part of itself? What if it had had so many experiences and so many loves in all of its lifetimes, it doesn't want itself anymore? What if…?

You face some of the most important issues in your existence right now. You face the issues of completion and of acceptance. The big dark energy rolls in right now and says, "What if the divine doesn't like me? What if it thinks I built a crappy house? That I'm not worthy? What if the divine comes in and tells me I have at least another dozen lifetimes before it'll even consider?" And that's the sabotage. It is artificial, and those of us who are sitting in our own Third Circle can tell you it is the biggest delusion and deception that you'll ever give yourself. But it is also the biggest gift.

< Master 2 > You set up whether it's - some of you immigration, some of you jobs, whatever it is. You set up all these barriers because there comes a point where dreams are better left as dreams in your Old Energy thinking. Dreams are better left as dreams. It sucks to open your eyes sometimes. It is difficult sometimes to be in that physical body. It's difficult to say that if you take on a new challenge, a new project, maybe you'll fail. Maybe you'll fail. So it's better to dream about what could be than to actually do it and to actually bring it in and to actually embrace it and to actually live it! And be it! And express it!