< Creator 2 >
Susan had many past lives, as you all have had. They ranged from the powerful and the energetic lifetimes of Atlantis to the provocative lifetimes in old Egypt, and through the many lifetimes in lands across your world, including a lifetime (like many of you here) that was touched by the Master of Love, Yeshua Ben Joseph. During these lifetimes there were many things that Susan learned and experienced. These left many marks, many energetic memories upon her being. Like those in the room and reading this material, she worked very diligently, particularly in these past series of lifetimes that have occurred since the Master of Love walked this Earth. There was a commitment given at her heart level - like so many of you did here - that said, "I will continue the work that He showed me." She went through a series of difficult lifetimes, as most of you have also. Many of you knew her in the monasteries, in the churches that you started, for she was there.
Susan went through many struggles. But she came around the circle of her karma into this lifetime, which would be a lifetime of final releasing. Now she was born into a family that was, to say the least, difficult to be with - like so many of you here. Susan had a mother who was very controlling, demanding and self-centered. She had a father that gave his power to others all the time and was known to frequently give his power to alcohol. He let the controlling mother run his life. He was not much of the strength figure that a father should typically be.
Susan grew up with this, and she was shy as a youngster. Oh, she was bright in school. Her marks were high, but you would never know. She was shy. Susan felt like the odd person in a crowd. Although she knew she had something special about her, she simply could not come to letting her light shine forth. There were heavy burdens that she had carried over from her past lives. Her own family situation in this lifetime made it even more intense.
Now Susan was a loner for the most part. She had several close friends, but she was not one who joined in the school activities nor was she the popular one in class. There was something powerful and special inside her that cried to come forth, but there was also something that held her back.
Susan left home at the earliest possible opportunity to be free of this family situation that was most difficult, to go out to discover herself. She fell in love, or so she thought, with a boy when she first went off to college. She became pregnant. Being young and being in a state of fear, Susan had an abortion. This weighed heavily on her soul.
In spite of this, she did well in school. She focused her energy on her studies and graduated with honors. After her college years, she did find one she truly loved, a man with whom she had a previous agreement to join with in this lifetime. Susan and her new mate married and raised several children. They went through the typical problems that other humans have. Along the way there were money problems. There were infidelity problems. There were problems with the children in school. But also there was much love. She loved her children dearly, and she loved her husband dearly. But yes, indeed there were problems. She took these problems upon herself heavily and deeply.
At one point Susan, needing a new light in her life, needing something for direction, joined a church. She went to this conventional church for several years of time. She tried to learn and to understand about God. She attended the schools that they offered, and went each Sunday to pray and to worship. She studied the Bible that she had never studied before.
But dear friends, Susan, the Susan that each of you will meet some day when you are teachers, could not relate in her heart to the words that were coming from the church. She felt that she was a sinner; and therefore, Jesus and God could not possibly love her. She slowly withdrew from the church and went back to her life, wondering what it was all about.
One day, Susan was in a bookstore. As she walked down the aisles looking for something to read, and a book seemingly jumped off of the shelf in front of her. It was a book that had an intriguing cover on it. It talked of a new light and a new way. This attracted her, but it also embarrassed her. She hid it between the other books she was buying, and quickly proceeded to the checkout counter, hoping nobody would see the strange sounding book of light and love and New Age that she was about to read. She went home and found herself instantly attracted to it. She devoured it in a day, reading it word for word. It rang true within her. She cried and cried and cried because it was the message of Home.
Now many of you know the continuing story of Susan, don’t you? Susan studied the New Age, attended seminars, and met others who were shaumbra. She was thrilled with her discovery. For the first time she was beginning to truly understand who she was. She began to come to understandings of a new order of things.
But within Susan there was still something troubling, something she could not let go of, something that prevented her from breaking free. Even though she loved this new work in the New Age, there were days when she was depressed, when her whole body ached. There were days when she felt frustrated that she could not create what she truly desired in her heart. She began to call out to Spirit again and say, "what is it that I should know?"
She asked Spirit when the challenging experiences in her life would go away. She asked when she would come to this place of nirvana where she would be in a place of peace. While she loved her life and her family and all that she was, there was also a part of Susan that wished to leave, that was tired, that wanted to go back Home. But Susan also knew within her intuitively that Home wasn’t Home anymore. She knew intuitively that it was time for her to continue doing the work.
Last night Susan laid upon her bed, happy with life and smiling within but yet wondering, wondering, wondering what is she should know. She had been reading the Crimson Circle materials. She had read about allowing and accepting all things as they are. She had been practicing standing behind the short wall. She was coming to new realizations, but yet there was still a major block.