< Creator 4 >
There was an angel by the name of Taylor. She has walked the Earth many, many lifetimes. In one lifetime Taylor was a warrior, a warrior for a greedy country, for a greedy kingdom. She cared not of the agenda. She simply wanted to be a warrior. She wanted to experience blood and battle. She wanted to experience duality and anger. She brought these experiences to her soul, and they remained there for a long, long time.
And in the next lifetime Taylor was a mother who was not so good to her children or her husband. She enjoyed the company of other men. She enjoyed being away from her family. She felt guilty for this, and it weighed heavy upon her. Yet she continued to do it, and in doing so caused much pain and difficulty for her children, and caused her husband to commit suicide, to leave. This was remembered by her soul and carried forth, put into her book of life.
In another lifetime Taylor was a businessman who ran a sweat shop. Taylor took advantage of young people and poor people as cheap labor. And Taylor did not care so much about them but cared only about her pocketbook, about her wealth. Taylor did not share this wealth with others. She did not give to charity but gave only to herself and wanted to build a monument to her immortality by gaining wealth. And this weighed heavy upon her soul and upon her being but she cared not and went forth.
In this lifetime, Taylor was a child of abusive parents. In her early teens she became an alcoholic. She continued this, drinking each day, lowering her vibrations to levels that it is even difficult for us to comprehend. She drank, and she went into darkness. Her vibrations were lowered, and she forgot what love was about. She did not have such a happy life. She blamed her parents. She blamed others that she worked with. Her drinking caused health problems. That created more bitterness within her.
Taylor is now in the Crimson Circle and no longer drinks, for along the way she read an inspirational book. She sat in meetings somewhat like this. She had others lend her a helping hand. She had others hug her and say that they loved her. She had others who took the time to help her understand that all of these feelings of guilt in her being needed to be released, needed to be let go of.
Now along the way Taylor gave up drinking, and Taylor came to learn that there was a divinity within her, but much of this was psychological. She did not understand it so well in her heart, for she still had guilt. Do you know she still had guilt about leaving the first creation? And then she had guilt about choosing these many lifetimes and many experiences of difficulty. She began to have a new wisdom as this butterfly was emerging from the cocoon.
Taylor still had problems in her life. She still had challenges. And she read much of the material from the Crimson Circle. She was beginning to understand how to accept all things. She was beginning to understand how to accept her human self, although for her this was very challenging. She felt the human part of her was something to be ashamed of. She did not yet understand that her humanness was divine, that her humanness gave so much to the universe. Taylor began standing in the divine moment, although they were difficult, and they were few and far between. She began taking a moment each day to stand in divinity. And she loved it dearly, and it felt so warm and golden. But then her guilt would get the best of her. She would feel she did not deserve this divine moment, and it would disappear.
But Taylor gave intent to learn and grow. She continued to have challenges in her life, ones of money and relationships and health and trust in herself. These were very difficult and there times when she cursed Spirit. There were times when she said she would walk away from this new energy Earth stuff because she didn't see it making a big difference in her life. There were times when she said, "This is all just words. It is like the other words of the other beliefs of the other people of Earth. It is all just words. It is all just a pacifier." There were times that she was very frustrated.
She was at a point in her life where she wanted to believe very deeply. She wanted to move to the next level, but she did not know how. And she became so confused and so lost and so upset, but more than anything else so betrayed, that one night she simply collapsed on the floor and began sobbing and said, "I can go on no further. I do not know what to do, Spirit. I have called on you for guidance. I have called on my angels. I have called on my guides, and I do not know what to do." Now Taylor did not read so well the words that said Spirit cannot do it for you, and your guides have departed. (chuckling)
There was something inside of her that was trying to come forth, trying to talk to her, but it couldn't when she was out of her divine moment. It couldn't when she was worried about all of these things. But when she broke down sobbing, something happened. Something came forth. It was like a voice, not from the outside, but from the inside. It came forth and talked to her, and it said to her, "I am grace. I am divine grace that exists within you. I will handle all things. I will balance all things. I will solve all things, but I come from within you, and my name is grace."
She lay there for a long time, feeling this energy of divine grace from within her being. And somehow it felt right. She hadn't turned over herself and her problems to some entity, to some image of God that she did not know or understand. She turned it over to the grace that came from within her being. From that day forward she began to understand. She began to understand the power of grace.